Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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