This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
