I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
