I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
