What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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