so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
