Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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