I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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