Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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