my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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