turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
