I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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