I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
