All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize