so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
