It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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