Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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