Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
another moral hangover. fuck.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
