He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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