Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
