I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My feet surprised me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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