my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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