he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
