He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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