I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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