Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
