You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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