Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
