i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
