She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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