why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
