I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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