At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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