Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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