ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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