Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
