Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
