i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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