The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
