At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i believe in u and ur pee
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