$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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