every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
