okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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