So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
