we have officially lost it.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
zippers are such a cool invention
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
