she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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