I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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