New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
