Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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