Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
