its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
