She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
