He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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