Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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