I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You are a genius and a whore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
