How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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