Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
