every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
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