My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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