walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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