You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
