We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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