I CAN MOONWALK!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
