I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
