im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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