I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Enjoy the penises
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
