no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
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You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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