like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
