I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
These tits shall not be calmed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
