At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
