Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
