to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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