I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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