Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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