is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
