Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
