Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
