He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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