OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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